Passing the faith on to our kids is the most important job we have as parents. But how do you do that when kids seem to be at different levels of development and vary in spiritual sensitivity? Faith development isn’t like baking cookies where adding the right ingredients produce a predictable outcome. Rather, spirituality grows when the Holy Spirit connects with the human heart and kids experience God’s grace. Although that doesn’t happen with a formula, there are certain things we can do to encourage spiritual growth in our kids.

Parents help their children grow spiritually by creating the structures where they can meet Jesus. Some of those are easy, such as taking kids to church, praying before meals, and memorizing scripture. And some are more complex, such as spontaneous prayer, wrestling together with God’s will, and applying biblical truth to life.

Here are five principles from Deuteronomy 6 to guide your thinking as you seek to help your child build their own personal relationship with God.

1) Start with yourself.

If you are growing spiritually, your kids will see it. Deuteronomy 6:6 starts the process by focusing first on the parents’ own spiritual growth. “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.” Jesus reminded us of the same truth in Luke 6:40 when he said, “A disciple is not above his teacher.” As you work on discipling your child, make sure your own heart is growing in God’s grace.

You might make it a habit to keep a prayer journal about specific things you’re praying for each of your children. Or, look for scriptures that apply to your family and to the needs of your children. As you see God at work in your life, you’ll have something to share with your kids.

2) Build relationship.

Family life can become strained at times when all the busyness of life generates pressure. Remember that it’s through relationship that values and convictions are passed. That’s why, when referring to the commands of God, Deuteronomy 6:7 says, “Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Use relational moments to teach, explain, and illustrate God’s Word.

Mornings and bedtimes are mentioned in the passage, and both provide strategic opportunities for worldview discussions and how the Scriptures apply to life. Walking along the road, or in more modern times, driving in the van, is also a time when conversations can take a spiritual bent. In fact, you might want to plan a story or a specific scripture to share in those moments.

Sometimes the relational times can be scheduled such as a family time focused on a spiritual truth. Other times the relational opportunities will come spontaneously. Always be ready to direct your children’s attention to the work of God.

3) Share scripture.

In verse 7 of Deuteronomy 6 we have a specific goal stated for parents. When referring to the commands of God, it says, “Impress them on your children.” It’s not enough to share your own ideas about how to be successful in life. Be sure to share God’s truth with your kids.

When sharing scripture, be careful about overemphasizing the wrath, justice, and holiness of God. Although those are valuable truths, remember that Jesus died to satisfy God’s holiness and emphasized the fatherly qualities of God. Children need to experience God as a compassionate, caring father who loves them and wants to empower them to do what’s right. Those who tie specific offenses to verses in the Bible may be giving their kids a picture of God as judge. Many verses talk about God’s grace and how He is working in us to move us in the right direction.

4) Be creative.

Deuteronomy 6:8-9 says, “Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” The goal is to help the child bring God’s commands into daily life, viewing them as relevant and practical.

Keep in mind that the language of children is activity. For every Bible story or theological truth, you might look for some kind of activity to communicate it. For ideas, consider the teaching techniques of Jesus. He used creativity and life experience to communicate kingdom principles to His disciples. When He wanted to teach what it means to be a good neighbor, He told the story of the Good Samaritan. In order to teach His disciples about being a servant and the importance of being willing to do dirty jobs, He washed their feet. When He wanted to correct them for criticizing each other, He gave them an illustration that may have come from His own childhood growing up in a carpenter shop. He encouraged them to get the plank out of their own eye before removing the sawdust from their brother’s eye.

Your kids will view the Bible as relevant, practical, and exciting when you use activity to communicate biblical truths. You might act out Bible stories with young children or use science experiments with elementary age kids. Hebrews 12 talks about running a race toward Jesus without being entangled by sin. You might run two races, one without baggy clothes and the other loaded down with Dad’s coat and shoes. Using activity with kids helps them get excited about God’s Word.

5) Discuss the lesson learned.

Deuteronomy 6:20-21 says, “In the future, when your son asks you, ‘What is the meaning of the stipulations, decrees and laws the Lord our God has commanded you?’ tell him.” Be sure to ask the question, “What’s the lesson learned?” Kids, as well as adults, need to know how to apply the Scriptures to their own lives.

When you’re growing spiritually, building relationships, sharing scripture, being creative, and discussing how God’s Word applies to your lives, then you position yourself well to pass on the faith to your kids.

One more piece of advice: Stop the activity when the energy level is high. When your son says, “Let’s do it again,” go over the lesson learned and then tell your son, “Yes, we’ll do it again when we have devotions again in a few days.” Now your kids will be begging for more!

If you’re looking for resources to tie activity to Bible stories, you might check out the Family Time Activities books from the National Center for Biblical Parenting.

Dr. Scott Turansky is a Calvary Chapel pastor in New Jersey and is the co-founder of the National Center for Biblical Parenting. He and his wife Carrie have five children and four grandchildren. Learn more at www.biblicalparenting.org.

Amanda is a single mom with three great kids and wanted her family to be close. In fact, Amanda looked for ways to experience that closeness regularly. They ate meals together, laughed and had fun, and she took a strong stand against any bickering. But Amanda wanted more. Amanda is a Christian and wished that she could make her faith more of a family experience.

What Amanda did in her family was strategic, and in fact, all of us can learn from her, whether we live in a single parent home or in a traditional family that has both a dad and a mom.

Amanda was particularly touched one Sunday by the biblical story of Joshua coming into the Promised Land and making a pile of stones. Joshua 4:6-7 shares the purpose of the monument. “In the future, when your children ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ Tell them….”

There was a spiritual sharing going on within the family in biblical times and Amanda wanted more of that in her own family. Every once in a while she experienced some kind of spiritual conversation and found that it was always special. It seemed deeper and more meaningful than anything else they did together. Could she encourage that kind of dialogue more often? The answer is yes and Amanda did four things that any parent can do to increase closeness in family life.

#1 – Make prayer intentional and obvious

First, Amanda began praying for each of her kids regularly. But she didn’t just pray for them. She told them she was praying for them and asked them for things to pray about. She would ask them how they were doing in those areas and pointed out when the prayers were answered.

One day, Amanda’s seven-year-old son burst into the house after school with wide eyes and said, “It worked!”

Mom was a bit surprised and didn’t know what he was talking about.

“Your prayers worked, Mom. I got 100 on my math test.”

They rejoiced together. In fact, Mom said, “Wow, that’s great. Why don’t we take a moment and pray right now and thank God.” The next few moments were very special and Amanda noticed that this was a very meaningful time of connecting her son personally with the Lord.

#2 – Reveal the practical nature of God’s Word

A second thing that Amanda did was share a scripture with her kids regularly. Sometimes she would write it on the whiteboard on the wall behind the kitchen table where everyone could see it.

In fact, she invited her kids to suggest scriptures that might be helpful for their family. Her nine-year-old daughter suggested Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

They discussed why that verse was helpful over dinner that night. It was interesting to hear the kids share their perspective on “straight paths” that evening.

#3 – Point out God’s activity in our lives now

Amanda decided to regularly ask the question of her kids, “What did you see God do today?” Sometimes the kids didn’t have much to say, but occasionally they had a good answer. Mom wanted her children to recognize that God is working in our lives all the time, not just before meals and bedtime.

Her eleven-year-old pointed something out from the news one evening. “God got that guy released from prison.” Amanda listened as her son told the story of how a persecuted man in North Korea was released.

Sharing about God’s work seemed to make everyone more aware of God’s presence. In fact, she realized that she was now having more conversations with her children about spiritual things than ever.

#4 – Serve the Lord together

As Amanda evaluated their schedule and activities, she realized that they were very busy people, each one of the children as well as herself. It seemed that they were always on the go, driving from here to there and then getting back to this place just in time to pick up someone else from their activity.

The busyness of their family was good, but Amanda realized that they weren’t doing anything that was serving others as a family. In fact, most of the activities that they were engaged in seemed to be about self. They each had activities to go to, and the continual self-focus needed some adjustment.

She determined that they would look for ways to serve on Sunday morning at their church. Her oldest son joined the greeting team and became an usher assistant to hand out bulletins. They all stayed for an extra twenty minutes after church to help clean up.

In fact, it was this service they did together that provided something Amanda wasn’t expecting. They were establishing an identity as a family. People took notice and mentioned that they were a family that served the Lord. She and her children enjoyed the reputation they were making.

Amanda decided that they would have a family verse and they put it on their wall, “But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD” (Joshua 24:15).

It wasn’t long before Amanda saw it happening. The closeness she longed for in her family was becoming real and powerful. She had to continue to be the force behind the spiritual interaction but occasionally her kids pitched in. They would pray for each other, share scripture that applied to their personal lives, and point out God’s activity in their lives.

Amanda was building a spiritual foundation for their family. Instead of having a foundation based on activity or things they liked or disliked, now they had a more significant and meaningful vision for their lives. God was doing something important. Their family identity as a family that served God was developing.

Any mom or dad can have a spiritual impact on family life. All family members are at different points in their spiritual receptivity. Even if a child is rebellious or has a hard heart, spiritual activities can have a significant effect. The key is to have someone in the family who believes in God strongly enough to try to take on the challenge. Spiritual leadership starts in the heart of one person. When it happens there, other people see it and significant change takes place.

Dr. Scott Turansky is a Calvary Chapel pastor and heads up the National Center for Biblical Parenting. You can learn more about his book on spiritual development in children called Motivate Your Child, at biblicalparenting.org.

Some children start pulling away from spiritual pursuits as they get older. They might not want to pray at dinner, seem to endure church, and are more interested in electronics and friends than spiritual things. Those tendencies are early indications of a trend in Christian families of kids who leave the church after they graduate from high school. Here’s what you can do now to reverse that trend and help your kids get spiritually engaged. Take the story of twelve-year-old Mark for example. He seemed to be drifting from the faith and his parents decided to do something about it. Here’s what they did. In fact, these are three things you can do with your family this year to engage your kids spiritually.

Energize Your Family Devotions

Dad and Mom determined to add an exciting devotional experience for Mark and his two younger sisters. They called it Family Time. Once a week, Dad and Mom would prepare an activity that illustrated a biblical truth. One week they told their kids to get their running shoes on for devotions. That puzzled them all and they came to the Family Time with a sense of anticipation. Dad read them the parable of the man who found the treasure in the field and sold all he had to buy that field so that he could own the treasure. Then Dad told them that he had created a number of clues in the back yard with a treasure at the end. He handed the first clue to Mark that said, “Look under the trash can.” Mark ran with his sisters out to the backyard and started the hunt. After about eight clues he ended up finding a plastic container filled with their favorite cookies that Mom had made. Then they talked about why the truths of God are worth so much.

The next week they talked about withstanding the fiery darts of the devil with the shield of faith as described in Ephesians 6:16. They took rolled up socks and threw them at each other and used a pillow as a shield to ward them off. Then they talked about temptations that might harm each of them.
Another time Mom read 1 Thessalonians 5:11, “Build one another up.” The activity that day was to build a human pyramid and then talk about ways that they tear down and build each other up in their family. The kids became excited for devotions each week as these parents used the language of children to teach their kids about biblical truths.

Seeing God Work

Dad and Mom continued their mission by raising the bar a bit. Every couple of days they asked the question, “How did you see God work today?” At first, the kids didn’t know what to say, but Dad and Mom gave them ideas including ones they could relate to. Mom told about the beautiful sunset she enjoyed and Dad told about an answer to prayer about a difficult meeting at work. They prayed more specifically as a family, asking God to show them each how they could fit into his plan.

Dad and Mom were surprised when Mark came home from school and said,

“When are you going to ask us the question?”

“What question?”

“The one about seeing God work?”

Mark had a story to tell and as he shared it at dinner, his parents smiled because they were seeing their son become spiritually engaged.

Sometimes children view God as irrelevant to their daily lives. Asking this kind of question encourages Level-Three thinking. Level-One thinking is where children spent most of the time. It has to do with the activity they’re involved in right now, playing on the iPad, eating lunch, or walking around the house. Level-Two thinking asks responsibility questions such as, “What time is it?” “What else should I be working on now?” or, “Should I be sharing this iPad with my brother?”
Level-Three thinking asks the question, “What is God doing in the world right now?” It’s fun to watch children share exciting things that they’re seeing in the world right now about God’s activity. When parents become spiritually transparent, kids see it.

Serve the Lord as a Family

Some kids develop a rather selfish view of life, always thinking about themselves and rarely thinking of others. When this takes place, kids often lose sight of the value of church as a place to serve and miss out on opportunities to help others. Mark’s parents decided to make changes in this area of family life as well.

Dad and Mom also told the pastor at church that they, as a family, would help with greeting every other week. Mark began to see church as a place to give and serve, not just as a place to meet friends or learn.
Mark is growing spiritually because his parents looked for practical ways to engage him with what God wants to do in him personally. God wants to work in the lives of children, and parents can be the facilitators of that growth. The plan you use to strengthen your family must be intentional and engaging for kids. Parents pass the faith on to their kids. If parents have an unnoticeable faith, that in turn is the faith that they’re passing on to their children.

What might God have you to do in 2015 to excite your children about the Lord and engage them spiritually?

The ideas from this article come from the teaching presented in the book Motivate Your Child. Learn more about resources from the National Center for Biblical Parenting at: biblicalparenting.org.

Dr. Scott Turansky is a co-founder of the National Center for Biblical Parenting. He and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN have written 13 books on parenting, trained over 120 presenters to teach live parenting seminars, and they themselves teach around the country most every week.