Passing the faith on to our kids is the most important job we have as parents. But how do you do that when kids seem to be at different levels of development and vary in spiritual sensitivity? Faith development isn’t like baking cookies where adding the right ingredients produce a predictable outcome. Rather, spirituality grows when the Holy Spirit connects with the human heart and kids experience God’s grace. Although that doesn’t happen with a formula, there are certain things we can do to encourage spiritual growth in our kids.

Parents help their children grow spiritually by creating the structures where they can meet Jesus. Some of those are easy, such as taking kids to church, praying before meals, and memorizing scripture. And some are more complex, such as spontaneous prayer, wrestling together with God’s will, and applying biblical truth to life.

Here are five principles from Deuteronomy 6 to guide your thinking as you seek to help your child build their own personal relationship with God.

1) Start with yourself.

If you are growing spiritually, your kids will see it. Deuteronomy 6:6 starts the process by focusing first on the parents’ own spiritual growth. “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.” Jesus reminded us of the same truth in Luke 6:40 when he said, “A disciple is not above his teacher.” As you work on discipling your child, make sure your own heart is growing in God’s grace.

You might make it a habit to keep a prayer journal about specific things you’re praying for each of your children. Or, look for scriptures that apply to your family and to the needs of your children. As you see God at work in your life, you’ll have something to share with your kids.

2) Build relationship.

Family life can become strained at times when all the busyness of life generates pressure. Remember that it’s through relationship that values and convictions are passed. That’s why, when referring to the commands of God, Deuteronomy 6:7 says, “Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Use relational moments to teach, explain, and illustrate God’s Word.

Mornings and bedtimes are mentioned in the passage, and both provide strategic opportunities for worldview discussions and how the Scriptures apply to life. Walking along the road, or in more modern times, driving in the van, is also a time when conversations can take a spiritual bent. In fact, you might want to plan a story or a specific scripture to share in those moments.

Sometimes the relational times can be scheduled such as a family time focused on a spiritual truth. Other times the relational opportunities will come spontaneously. Always be ready to direct your children’s attention to the work of God.

3) Share scripture.

In verse 7 of Deuteronomy 6 we have a specific goal stated for parents. When referring to the commands of God, it says, “Impress them on your children.” It’s not enough to share your own ideas about how to be successful in life. Be sure to share God’s truth with your kids.

When sharing scripture, be careful about overemphasizing the wrath, justice, and holiness of God. Although those are valuable truths, remember that Jesus died to satisfy God’s holiness and emphasized the fatherly qualities of God. Children need to experience God as a compassionate, caring father who loves them and wants to empower them to do what’s right. Those who tie specific offenses to verses in the Bible may be giving their kids a picture of God as judge. Many verses talk about God’s grace and how He is working in us to move us in the right direction.

4) Be creative.

Deuteronomy 6:8-9 says, “Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” The goal is to help the child bring God’s commands into daily life, viewing them as relevant and practical.

Keep in mind that the language of children is activity. For every Bible story or theological truth, you might look for some kind of activity to communicate it. For ideas, consider the teaching techniques of Jesus. He used creativity and life experience to communicate kingdom principles to His disciples. When He wanted to teach what it means to be a good neighbor, He told the story of the Good Samaritan. In order to teach His disciples about being a servant and the importance of being willing to do dirty jobs, He washed their feet. When He wanted to correct them for criticizing each other, He gave them an illustration that may have come from His own childhood growing up in a carpenter shop. He encouraged them to get the plank out of their own eye before removing the sawdust from their brother’s eye.

Your kids will view the Bible as relevant, practical, and exciting when you use activity to communicate biblical truths. You might act out Bible stories with young children or use science experiments with elementary age kids. Hebrews 12 talks about running a race toward Jesus without being entangled by sin. You might run two races, one without baggy clothes and the other loaded down with Dad’s coat and shoes. Using activity with kids helps them get excited about God’s Word.

5) Discuss the lesson learned.

Deuteronomy 6:20-21 says, “In the future, when your son asks you, ‘What is the meaning of the stipulations, decrees and laws the Lord our God has commanded you?’ tell him.” Be sure to ask the question, “What’s the lesson learned?” Kids, as well as adults, need to know how to apply the Scriptures to their own lives.

When you’re growing spiritually, building relationships, sharing scripture, being creative, and discussing how God’s Word applies to your lives, then you position yourself well to pass on the faith to your kids.

One more piece of advice: Stop the activity when the energy level is high. When your son says, “Let’s do it again,” go over the lesson learned and then tell your son, “Yes, we’ll do it again when we have devotions again in a few days.” Now your kids will be begging for more!

If you’re looking for resources to tie activity to Bible stories, you might check out the Family Time Activities books from the National Center for Biblical Parenting.

Dr. Scott Turansky is a Calvary Chapel pastor in New Jersey and is the co-founder of the National Center for Biblical Parenting. He and his wife Carrie have five children and four grandchildren. Learn more at www.biblicalparenting.org.

Amanda is a single mom with three great kids and wanted her family to be close. In fact, Amanda looked for ways to experience that closeness regularly. They ate meals together, laughed and had fun, and she took a strong stand against any bickering. But Amanda wanted more. Amanda is a Christian and wished that she could make her faith more of a family experience.

What Amanda did in her family was strategic, and in fact, all of us can learn from her, whether we live in a single parent home or in a traditional family that has both a dad and a mom.

Amanda was particularly touched one Sunday by the biblical story of Joshua coming into the Promised Land and making a pile of stones. Joshua 4:6-7 shares the purpose of the monument. “In the future, when your children ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ Tell them….”

There was a spiritual sharing going on within the family in biblical times and Amanda wanted more of that in her own family. Every once in a while she experienced some kind of spiritual conversation and found that it was always special. It seemed deeper and more meaningful than anything else they did together. Could she encourage that kind of dialogue more often? The answer is yes and Amanda did four things that any parent can do to increase closeness in family life.

#1 – Make prayer intentional and obvious

First, Amanda began praying for each of her kids regularly. But she didn’t just pray for them. She told them she was praying for them and asked them for things to pray about. She would ask them how they were doing in those areas and pointed out when the prayers were answered.

One day, Amanda’s seven-year-old son burst into the house after school with wide eyes and said, “It worked!”

Mom was a bit surprised and didn’t know what he was talking about.

“Your prayers worked, Mom. I got 100 on my math test.”

They rejoiced together. In fact, Mom said, “Wow, that’s great. Why don’t we take a moment and pray right now and thank God.” The next few moments were very special and Amanda noticed that this was a very meaningful time of connecting her son personally with the Lord.

#2 – Reveal the practical nature of God’s Word

A second thing that Amanda did was share a scripture with her kids regularly. Sometimes she would write it on the whiteboard on the wall behind the kitchen table where everyone could see it.

In fact, she invited her kids to suggest scriptures that might be helpful for their family. Her nine-year-old daughter suggested Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

They discussed why that verse was helpful over dinner that night. It was interesting to hear the kids share their perspective on “straight paths” that evening.

#3 – Point out God’s activity in our lives now

Amanda decided to regularly ask the question of her kids, “What did you see God do today?” Sometimes the kids didn’t have much to say, but occasionally they had a good answer. Mom wanted her children to recognize that God is working in our lives all the time, not just before meals and bedtime.

Her eleven-year-old pointed something out from the news one evening. “God got that guy released from prison.” Amanda listened as her son told the story of how a persecuted man in North Korea was released.

Sharing about God’s work seemed to make everyone more aware of God’s presence. In fact, she realized that she was now having more conversations with her children about spiritual things than ever.

#4 – Serve the Lord together

As Amanda evaluated their schedule and activities, she realized that they were very busy people, each one of the children as well as herself. It seemed that they were always on the go, driving from here to there and then getting back to this place just in time to pick up someone else from their activity.

The busyness of their family was good, but Amanda realized that they weren’t doing anything that was serving others as a family. In fact, most of the activities that they were engaged in seemed to be about self. They each had activities to go to, and the continual self-focus needed some adjustment.

She determined that they would look for ways to serve on Sunday morning at their church. Her oldest son joined the greeting team and became an usher assistant to hand out bulletins. They all stayed for an extra twenty minutes after church to help clean up.

In fact, it was this service they did together that provided something Amanda wasn’t expecting. They were establishing an identity as a family. People took notice and mentioned that they were a family that served the Lord. She and her children enjoyed the reputation they were making.

Amanda decided that they would have a family verse and they put it on their wall, “But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD” (Joshua 24:15).

It wasn’t long before Amanda saw it happening. The closeness she longed for in her family was becoming real and powerful. She had to continue to be the force behind the spiritual interaction but occasionally her kids pitched in. They would pray for each other, share scripture that applied to their personal lives, and point out God’s activity in their lives.

Amanda was building a spiritual foundation for their family. Instead of having a foundation based on activity or things they liked or disliked, now they had a more significant and meaningful vision for their lives. God was doing something important. Their family identity as a family that served God was developing.

Any mom or dad can have a spiritual impact on family life. All family members are at different points in their spiritual receptivity. Even if a child is rebellious or has a hard heart, spiritual activities can have a significant effect. The key is to have someone in the family who believes in God strongly enough to try to take on the challenge. Spiritual leadership starts in the heart of one person. When it happens there, other people see it and significant change takes place.

Dr. Scott Turansky is a Calvary Chapel pastor and heads up the National Center for Biblical Parenting. You can learn more about his book on spiritual development in children called Motivate Your Child, at biblicalparenting.org.

Being the church implies discipleship. It’s important to disciple believers as individuals but also in their roles and relationships in family life. With the pressures on the family today, the church has solutions that can equip family members to embrace the gospel in their homes and rely on God’s grace in practical ways.

Churches that develop a discipleship mentality that equips parents, do it in four areas. This isn’t about a program or a system. It’s about vision and relationships. Each of these components provide a church with a window into ways to strengthen families through the mission of the church.

Component #1: Provide Engaging Children and Youth Programs and Invite Parental Involvement.

The church who works independently of the home runs the risk of giving both parents and children the impression that the home isn’t relevant for spiritual training and that the professionals at the church do the work of discipleship. More and more churches are realizing the importance of the church and home working together to reach children today.
Children’s directors and youth leaders look for ways to extend their work into the home. Take home papers from Sunday School are common, but also inviting parents to participate with their kids or giving parent/child assignments that complement what’s happening at church can empower parents.

Component #2: Offer Parent Training Programs

Parents need help raising their children today. The world offers plenty of behavior modification strategies, but, as Christians, we know that people are different than animals. They have a heart. So training parents with biblical tools and strategies that reach the hearts of their children is an essential part of the discipleship mandate for any church. God gives guidance in his word about how people change and when those kinds of ideas are applied to the family, parents find hope and encouragement as they embrace God’s grace in their homes.

Component #3: Provide Opportunities for Intergenerational Experiences of Worship, Teaching, Fellowship, and Service

The church offers many programs and activities and some of those are well suited for cross-generational interaction. Sometimes it means Father/Daughter nights or family camping trips, but other times families can join together in mission trips or holiday worship services. When children watch older believers practice their faith, something significant happens in their lives. Furthermore, families can serve and grow together, further increasing their spiritual closeness. Families learn to pray together, watch God work, and trust in his grace. The church becomes the vehicle to provide opportunities for families to be touched spiritually.

Component #4: Helping Parents to Be Disciplemakers at Home

Sometimes parents delegate the spiritual training of their children to the church or the Christian School. Although they are great partners, they are not a substitute for what God designed for the family. But parents often don’t know how to pass the faith on to their kids. Following the model of Jesus using creativity and life experience is the most effective way to help kids grasp biblical truths. Parents need inspiration and coaching to enable that process.
While all of these components can add to a family ministry in a church, the leadership needs to determine which areas to focus on at any given time. The question isn’t whether family ministry is optional. It’s not. It’s part of the discipleship mandate given to the church. The question has to do with what parts of family ministry are best to emphasis at any given time in a church’s life.
For more information on developing the family ministry in these four areas in your church, visit the website for the National Center for Biblical Parenting.