Who do you love? There are so many people that come to mind. Nevertheless, they might not be the ones that God has destined me to love. Have you ever wanted to know, “Lord, who are the people that I am destined to love?” The author of the Book of Hebrews has some clues for us. Before I reveal your true love list, it is necessary to briefly recall what the Book of Hebrews is about.

The Book of Hebrews makes a compelling case that Jesus is greater than: angels, prophets, Moses, the sacrificial system, the priesthood, the temple and His New Covenant is superior to the Old. Jesus’ greatness inspires great love! Jesus’ followers are to reveal that Jesus is greater than anything else by how they live, and whom they love.

In difficult times, we tend to focus more on our circumstances and selves instead of focusing on Christ and others. Hebrews is addressed to Jewish Christians who were suffering for their faith in Jesus and were tempted to abandon Jesus for ritual Judaism. After demonstrating how Jesus is superior, we are then challenged to live like Jesus and love others rather than being self-focused. In addition to loving Christ supremely, here is a list of your five true loves:

1. Love other believers.

“Let brotherly love continue” (Heb. 13:1). Love one another like a family. Before it can continue, it needs to exist. If you are isolated from a true community of other believers, you need to seek it and develop it. Once it exists, you need to vigorously maintain it. Loving other believers and being loved by them is enriching and transforming. Furthermore, it stirs the world to jealousy. Genuine love among believers is the evidence that we are Christ’s disciples (Jn.13:35), and that kind of community is so attractive to non-believers.

2. Love those who are unable to benefit you materially.

“Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels. Remember the prisoners as if chained with them—those who are mistreated—since you yourselves are in the body also” (Heb. 13:2-3). Strangers, prisoners and the mistreated rarely have much to offer in the material sense. Showing hospitality to strangers and prisoners is often inconvenient, and occasionally, frightening. In context, the author of Hebrews was likely thinking of those who were suffering because of their faith in Christ. But the principle has broad application. We are encouraged by the unexpected benefits, for by so doing, some have unwittingly entertained angels. You never know whom you are blessing. You might entertain an angel like Abraham did (Gen. 18:1-22), or simply discover the great value of loving without expectation of any return. Undoubtedly, you will show the type of love that draws people to Jesus, the source of that love.

You might be surprised that people are not always “what or who” they appear to be. One time, when I was speaking at a conference, I saw a man who appeared “homeless.” I tried to show the love of Christ by approaching and engaging him in conversation. We were talking for quite a while, right up until the host introduced the worship leader for the event, and my new friend excused himself to go on stage. You just never know, it might be Jesus that you are showing kindness to (Matt. 25:35-36). So, treat those in need like a fellow human being created in His image, rather than a project.

3. Love your Spouse.

“Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Heb. 13:4). Marriage is the most noble and blessed relationships between people. There is no other relationship designed by God to forge two distinct people into one (Gen. 2:24). Marriage is to display the love that Christ has for His bride the church (Eph. 5:32). Sexual intimacy is reserved for the marriage relationship. It is one of many fringe benefits of marriage (1 For. 7:2-5, Song of Solomon). Respecting God’s boundaries will display your love for Christ as well as your love for your spouse. Be faithful and don’t defile your marriage by sexual intimacy prior to marriage (fornication) or sex outside of your marriage (adultery). That type of love for Christ and for your future or present spouse is noteworthy and attracts people to Christ.

4. Love your neighbor.

“Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ So we may boldly say: ‘The LORD is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?’” (Heb. 13:5-6). The principle is to be content not covetous, yet covetousness is related to our neighbor (Ex. 20:17). Coveting is primarily an attitude, but here the directive relates to behavior, “Let your conduct be without covetousness …” If I am jealous of my neighbor’s house, spouse, kids, wealth, career or other stuff and long for my neighbor’s life (coveting), I have effectively lost the ability to show how great Jesus is.

On the other hand, when I display the reality that Jesus is greater than all my neighbor’s stuff, then it is reasonable for my neighbor to be jealous and want what I have – Jesus. You are even reminded why Jesus is better than your neighbor’s stuff. First, He will never leave or forsake you. Stuff and people are always separated from you, but Jesus never will be. Second, He is ever present to help you, so you need not fear. Real contentment in this life flows from trusting Jesus not things. Jesus brings greater security than stuff. When you are content in Christ, you can love your neighbor.

5. Love your spiritual leaders.

“Remember those who rule over you, who have spoken the word of God to you, whose faith follow, considering the outcome of their conduct” (Heb. 13:7). Those who teach sound doctrine, live sound doctrine and lead with sound doctrine are a gift from God. Love and respect them and follow them as they follow Christ. Let them lead with joy and not grief, because ultimately, it will be best for you (Heb. 13:17).

Who else are you destined to love?

I’m running to catch my train. It’s like a sauna in here – Humid, feverish temperatures attract Subway Mosquitoes, and the smells of Doir perfume mixed with the unique smell of the homeless, permeate the air. It’s been a long day, but I’ve got to keep running. Every second is like someone turning up the heat on a stove. I’m stressed. But I am so looking forward to sitting on that train, that last step before I can walk through my front door, and put this day behind me. This is not how I want to live, but somehow, my adrenalin glands have put me on survival mode. Honestly, I know better.

«Savoir vivre» is a loose translation of “the art of living” in French. Even on days like this in Paris, with its heart attack life style, there is still a shadow of savoir vivre. It can be observed as colleagues greet each other, as neighbors discuss with a shopkeeper, or someone bumps into a postal worker on their way out. There is still stress and sleep deprivation from the hours that drive any first world economy, but look closer, and you’ll see how this culture keeps things relational.

A relational outlook is an open door to enjoying life. In the West, we have dismissed most of the human interactions that fill our days and have replaced them with a consumerist attitude. The consumer looks for what he needs and wants. He politely smiles to the merchant but leaves immediately once the transaction is complete. It’s efficient, but it’s not joyful. It seems like there’s something missing. Knowing that our bodies were designed by God for a purpose—Is there a purpose or a theology of enjoyment?

I wasn’t convinced about this until the day I saw it in print. That day happened as I was teaching a Bible study on Ecclesiastes. A reoccurring thought came to the surface that brought me to a secret for redeemed humanity: God would have us enjoy life.

Ecclesiastes 2:24, “Nothing is better for a man than that he should eat and drink, and that his soul should enjoy good in his labor. This also, I saw, was from the hand of God.”

I believe enjoyment is possible, even in busy times (maybe not running down the halls of the subway system), but an enjoyment that can accompany productivity and help avoid burn-outs. I wanted to list some thoughts I’ve learned from Ecclesiastes.

Enjoy God

Biblical meditation and prayer were never meant as something I must do before leaving the house, like brushing my teeth. Although I am much more presentable afterwards, it’s not the same really. In a time when I was struggling and needed counsel, Pastor Wayne Taylor encouraged me to enjoy God. He was right. He was speaking about intentionally taking time to delight in God’s presence. Though I was in a place of confusion, God never is; and in enjoying Him, even in the car or in public transportation, I receive clarity.

Enjoy my Spouse

Why shouldn’t I enjoy talking to, confiding in, honoring, and listening to the one who I vowed before God to wed until death do us part? The world has made many believe that enjoyment ends at marriage. We’ve made it our goal to disprove that lie! Even in the difficult times, I can and should stop, call her, and see how she’s doing. I can pick up a little ice cream from the store we can enjoy together when the kids are asleep.

Enjoy my Family

We don’t always have time, but should it be an excuse to never find the time? A few minutes here with a child, a story told, a worry confided, a lego space ship built, and my heart is softened. I never regret those moments. Sometimes I do regret taking that call… In the same way, spending time with my kids, calling my parents, and enjoying the family God gave me brings richness to daily living.

Enjoy my Job

A chosen profession is a true blessing, but anything can turn into a drudgery. I am a pastor, and I’ve known too many good people leave the ministry for tragic reasons. Losing sight of what I love to do in pastoring can leave me dry. I know graphic artists who can no longer look at a screen, or doctors who can barely stay focused. They studied long for their job. They love it, but they need a break. Taking time away can help, so can a short term missions trip or a weekend retreat. Sometimes eating lunch away from the office to pray and refocus does wonders. Remembering why you chose this profession or why you are following your life’s call is vital in maintaining that passion you once had.

Enjoy my Church

Even if I weren’t the pastor, I’d still go to this church! I love the people. Sure, I’m always being drawn away into this or that drama, but there’s nothing more endearing than letting those who make our church such a great community know that I enjoy them. I think about Psalm 122:1, “I was glad when they said to me, ‘Let us go into the house of the Lord.’” Going to worship with my brothers and sisters in Christ should reflect the joy of my salvation. Sometimes when I’m not enjoying fellowship with them, it’s because I’m not fellowshipping with them. Being present is not the same thing as conversing with people, being transparent and enjoying them. As we draw near to Jesus, let Him cleanse our heart, fill us up, and then connect with someone. I know a lady who prepares a meal every Sunday to share. She asks the Lord to show her who that person will be during the service. Everyone hopes it will be them because she knows how to enjoy their company.

How about you, what are the different ways you can enjoy life a little bit more?

I’m a dad. I’m also a son. And it occurred to me recently that there are certain things that kids need from their dad. In fact, as I pondered the whole idea of fatherhood, I recall several examples in the Bible of “dad gifts” that were passed on to children. I think all dads would benefit from considering these, and if you didn’t get these from your dad, there’s a pleasant surprise for you at the end of this article.

I’m Scott Turansky, the son of John Turansky. My dad did a great job of passing these six gifts to me. I’m so grateful for his commitment to fatherhood and his example to me as I entered parenthood myself. Here are six things from God’s Word that kids need from their dads.

1) The Blessing

In the Old Testament we see examples of dads blessing their sons. After Jacob tricked his father into giving him the blessing that was to go to his brother, Esau, Genesis 27:34 states that Esau cried out, “Bless me—me too, my father!” Both sons wanted the blessing of their father.

Dads have an important gift they can pass on to their kids. It’s the affirmation that I believe in you and your future is something I look forward to. When a dad makes statements of affirmation and a positive anticipation of the future, it helps kids face even the most difficult challenges ahead.

God has given dads this important power that is crucial to a child’s sense of well-being and growth. Look for ways to regularly express a blessing to your child.

2) Correction

Yes, correction is part of the job, not an interruption to life. Correction is one of the ways that God uses, and dads are an important part of that process. Hebrews 12:7 says, “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?”

Sometimes dads have to put the pressure on in order to help their kids develop character. It’s important to note the difference between pressure and harshness. Pressure can make a person stronger. Harshness damages relationship. As you correct your kids, remember that the goal of correction is positive. It’s about training and growth, not justice. Kids may not always appreciate correction but it’s a way that dads can show that they love their kids and want their best.

The next time you see your child acting out or doing the wrong thing, say to yourself, “Oh good! An opportunity for discipleship!” That positive attitude about correction can go a long way to help your kids move forward in life.

3) Delight

When dads delight in their kids, something happens deep inside the heart. Even if the whole world is a challenge, seeing dad’s delight can go a long way to help a child persevere. When Jesus was about to start His public ministry, we see His Father’s affirmation. At Jesus’ baptism, Mark 1:11 says, “And a voice came from heaven: ‘You are my Son, whom I love; with You I am well pleased.’” The Father was delighted with the Son.

What do you enjoy about your child? Sometimes kids have positive qualities that are misused and parents can become focused on the irritations. But looking past the irritations to appreciate a child who is emotionally sensitive can bring new delight into a parent-child relationship.

Kids do need correction, but they also need to see delight in their father’s eyes.

4) Spiritual Nurture

Sometimes parents think that praying before meals or taking their kids to church somehow transfers the faith to their children. But spiritual growth is best passed through intentional training. Ephesians 6:4 commands dads in particular, “Bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

God knew that there’s something important about a dad’s spiritual leadership in a child’s life. When a dad says, “I’ll pray for you about that,” or shares a spiritual truth he’s learning, kids take notice.

In some ways, passing the faith on to kids is like driver education. There’s the bookwork learned in the classroom, but the behind-the-wheel experience is just as important. That’s where all the bookwork is put into practice. Dads teach their kids how to handle emotions under pressure, how to trust God for an upcoming challenge, or how to have integrity in touchy situations. Kids need spiritual training and dads have an important opportunity and responsibility in this area of a child’s life.

5) Compassion

Some qualities are often considered female qualities. Compassion is one of them. We sometimes think of mom saying to a child who has fallen and is crying, “Come over here and I’ll give you a hug.” Dads are usually viewed as the ones that say, “You’re not hurt. Get up and try again.” Certainly, God uses both dads and moms in those ways to help children grow.

However, we must pause and consider 2 Corinthians 1:3, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort.” Those are interesting traits of a father: compassion and comfort.

Fathers are often tough, authoritative, and firm, but there is a time for comfort and compassion. Empathizing with a child’s pain and holding a child who is hurting are significant gifts dads can give to their child. Sometimes a compassionate word can propel a child forward to continue on to fight the challenges of life.

6) Care

When Dads take notice of the little things, they show love. Care in the details of your child’s life is the application of love. After all, that’s what our heavenly Father models for us. Notice the care in the details mentioned in Matthew 10:29-30, “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”

Do you know what your child’s favorites are: favorite color, subject, clothes, food, or sport? That’s just the beginning of the details you might consider. You might not count your child’s hairs but you could count the teeth they’ve lost or the number of friends they have on Facebook. Remember that attention to detail shows that you care.

Kids need specific things from their dads. The power of a father in a child’s life can’t be underestimated. Amazing things happen inside a child’s heart when a dad shares these “father gifts” with his kids.

But what if you didn’t have a dad, or the one you had didn’t give you what you needed? The good news is that God has an app for that. He adopts us into His family when we trust Jesus as our Lord and Savior. Just go back through the six things above and notice how God does each of those things for us.

No parent is perfect. Dads always make mistakes. All children need a father presence in their hearts. God knows all that because He designed us. So one of the greatest gifts we dads can give to our kids is to introduce them to their heavenly Father and encourage that relationship that meets all the inner fatherly needs we all have.

Can you think of other biblical examples of gifts that fathers can give to their kids?

Scott Turansky is the pastor of Calvary Chapel Living Hope and the co-founder of the National Center for Biblical Parenting. He and his wife, Carrie, have five children and four grandchildren and live in New Jersey. You can learn more about him and resources for your family at biblicalparenting.org.

Passing the faith on to our kids is the most important job we have as parents. But how do you do that when kids seem to be at different levels of development and vary in spiritual sensitivity? Faith development isn’t like baking cookies where adding the right ingredients produce a predictable outcome. Rather, spirituality grows when the Holy Spirit connects with the human heart and kids experience God’s grace. Although that doesn’t happen with a formula, there are certain things we can do to encourage spiritual growth in our kids.

Parents help their children grow spiritually by creating the structures where they can meet Jesus. Some of those are easy, such as taking kids to church, praying before meals, and memorizing scripture. And some are more complex, such as spontaneous prayer, wrestling together with God’s will, and applying biblical truth to life.

Here are five principles from Deuteronomy 6 to guide your thinking as you seek to help your child build their own personal relationship with God.

1) Start with yourself.

If you are growing spiritually, your kids will see it. Deuteronomy 6:6 starts the process by focusing first on the parents’ own spiritual growth. “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.” Jesus reminded us of the same truth in Luke 6:40 when he said, “A disciple is not above his teacher.” As you work on discipling your child, make sure your own heart is growing in God’s grace.

You might make it a habit to keep a prayer journal about specific things you’re praying for each of your children. Or, look for scriptures that apply to your family and to the needs of your children. As you see God at work in your life, you’ll have something to share with your kids.

2) Build relationship.

Family life can become strained at times when all the busyness of life generates pressure. Remember that it’s through relationship that values and convictions are passed. That’s why, when referring to the commands of God, Deuteronomy 6:7 says, “Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Use relational moments to teach, explain, and illustrate God’s Word.

Mornings and bedtimes are mentioned in the passage, and both provide strategic opportunities for worldview discussions and how the Scriptures apply to life. Walking along the road, or in more modern times, driving in the van, is also a time when conversations can take a spiritual bent. In fact, you might want to plan a story or a specific scripture to share in those moments.

Sometimes the relational times can be scheduled such as a family time focused on a spiritual truth. Other times the relational opportunities will come spontaneously. Always be ready to direct your children’s attention to the work of God.

3) Share scripture.

In verse 7 of Deuteronomy 6 we have a specific goal stated for parents. When referring to the commands of God, it says, “Impress them on your children.” It’s not enough to share your own ideas about how to be successful in life. Be sure to share God’s truth with your kids.

When sharing scripture, be careful about overemphasizing the wrath, justice, and holiness of God. Although those are valuable truths, remember that Jesus died to satisfy God’s holiness and emphasized the fatherly qualities of God. Children need to experience God as a compassionate, caring father who loves them and wants to empower them to do what’s right. Those who tie specific offenses to verses in the Bible may be giving their kids a picture of God as judge. Many verses talk about God’s grace and how He is working in us to move us in the right direction.

4) Be creative.

Deuteronomy 6:8-9 says, “Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” The goal is to help the child bring God’s commands into daily life, viewing them as relevant and practical.

Keep in mind that the language of children is activity. For every Bible story or theological truth, you might look for some kind of activity to communicate it. For ideas, consider the teaching techniques of Jesus. He used creativity and life experience to communicate kingdom principles to His disciples. When He wanted to teach what it means to be a good neighbor, He told the story of the Good Samaritan. In order to teach His disciples about being a servant and the importance of being willing to do dirty jobs, He washed their feet. When He wanted to correct them for criticizing each other, He gave them an illustration that may have come from His own childhood growing up in a carpenter shop. He encouraged them to get the plank out of their own eye before removing the sawdust from their brother’s eye.

Your kids will view the Bible as relevant, practical, and exciting when you use activity to communicate biblical truths. You might act out Bible stories with young children or use science experiments with elementary age kids. Hebrews 12 talks about running a race toward Jesus without being entangled by sin. You might run two races, one without baggy clothes and the other loaded down with Dad’s coat and shoes. Using activity with kids helps them get excited about God’s Word.

5) Discuss the lesson learned.

Deuteronomy 6:20-21 says, “In the future, when your son asks you, ‘What is the meaning of the stipulations, decrees and laws the Lord our God has commanded you?’ tell him.” Be sure to ask the question, “What’s the lesson learned?” Kids, as well as adults, need to know how to apply the Scriptures to their own lives.

When you’re growing spiritually, building relationships, sharing scripture, being creative, and discussing how God’s Word applies to your lives, then you position yourself well to pass on the faith to your kids.

One more piece of advice: Stop the activity when the energy level is high. When your son says, “Let’s do it again,” go over the lesson learned and then tell your son, “Yes, we’ll do it again when we have devotions again in a few days.” Now your kids will be begging for more!

If you’re looking for resources to tie activity to Bible stories, you might check out the Family Time Activities books from the National Center for Biblical Parenting.

Dr. Scott Turansky is a Calvary Chapel pastor in New Jersey and is the co-founder of the National Center for Biblical Parenting. He and his wife Carrie have five children and four grandchildren. Learn more at www.biblicalparenting.org.

Amanda is a single mom with three great kids and wanted her family to be close. In fact, Amanda looked for ways to experience that closeness regularly. They ate meals together, laughed and had fun, and she took a strong stand against any bickering. But Amanda wanted more. Amanda is a Christian and wished that she could make her faith more of a family experience.

What Amanda did in her family was strategic, and in fact, all of us can learn from her, whether we live in a single parent home or in a traditional family that has both a dad and a mom.

Amanda was particularly touched one Sunday by the biblical story of Joshua coming into the Promised Land and making a pile of stones. Joshua 4:6-7 shares the purpose of the monument. “In the future, when your children ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ Tell them….”

There was a spiritual sharing going on within the family in biblical times and Amanda wanted more of that in her own family. Every once in a while she experienced some kind of spiritual conversation and found that it was always special. It seemed deeper and more meaningful than anything else they did together. Could she encourage that kind of dialogue more often? The answer is yes and Amanda did four things that any parent can do to increase closeness in family life.

#1 – Make prayer intentional and obvious

First, Amanda began praying for each of her kids regularly. But she didn’t just pray for them. She told them she was praying for them and asked them for things to pray about. She would ask them how they were doing in those areas and pointed out when the prayers were answered.

One day, Amanda’s seven-year-old son burst into the house after school with wide eyes and said, “It worked!”

Mom was a bit surprised and didn’t know what he was talking about.

“Your prayers worked, Mom. I got 100 on my math test.”

They rejoiced together. In fact, Mom said, “Wow, that’s great. Why don’t we take a moment and pray right now and thank God.” The next few moments were very special and Amanda noticed that this was a very meaningful time of connecting her son personally with the Lord.

#2 – Reveal the practical nature of God’s Word

A second thing that Amanda did was share a scripture with her kids regularly. Sometimes she would write it on the whiteboard on the wall behind the kitchen table where everyone could see it.

In fact, she invited her kids to suggest scriptures that might be helpful for their family. Her nine-year-old daughter suggested Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

They discussed why that verse was helpful over dinner that night. It was interesting to hear the kids share their perspective on “straight paths” that evening.

#3 – Point out God’s activity in our lives now

Amanda decided to regularly ask the question of her kids, “What did you see God do today?” Sometimes the kids didn’t have much to say, but occasionally they had a good answer. Mom wanted her children to recognize that God is working in our lives all the time, not just before meals and bedtime.

Her eleven-year-old pointed something out from the news one evening. “God got that guy released from prison.” Amanda listened as her son told the story of how a persecuted man in North Korea was released.

Sharing about God’s work seemed to make everyone more aware of God’s presence. In fact, she realized that she was now having more conversations with her children about spiritual things than ever.

#4 – Serve the Lord together

As Amanda evaluated their schedule and activities, she realized that they were very busy people, each one of the children as well as herself. It seemed that they were always on the go, driving from here to there and then getting back to this place just in time to pick up someone else from their activity.

The busyness of their family was good, but Amanda realized that they weren’t doing anything that was serving others as a family. In fact, most of the activities that they were engaged in seemed to be about self. They each had activities to go to, and the continual self-focus needed some adjustment.

She determined that they would look for ways to serve on Sunday morning at their church. Her oldest son joined the greeting team and became an usher assistant to hand out bulletins. They all stayed for an extra twenty minutes after church to help clean up.

In fact, it was this service they did together that provided something Amanda wasn’t expecting. They were establishing an identity as a family. People took notice and mentioned that they were a family that served the Lord. She and her children enjoyed the reputation they were making.

Amanda decided that they would have a family verse and they put it on their wall, “But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD” (Joshua 24:15).

It wasn’t long before Amanda saw it happening. The closeness she longed for in her family was becoming real and powerful. She had to continue to be the force behind the spiritual interaction but occasionally her kids pitched in. They would pray for each other, share scripture that applied to their personal lives, and point out God’s activity in their lives.

Amanda was building a spiritual foundation for their family. Instead of having a foundation based on activity or things they liked or disliked, now they had a more significant and meaningful vision for their lives. God was doing something important. Their family identity as a family that served God was developing.

Any mom or dad can have a spiritual impact on family life. All family members are at different points in their spiritual receptivity. Even if a child is rebellious or has a hard heart, spiritual activities can have a significant effect. The key is to have someone in the family who believes in God strongly enough to try to take on the challenge. Spiritual leadership starts in the heart of one person. When it happens there, other people see it and significant change takes place.

Dr. Scott Turansky is a Calvary Chapel pastor and heads up the National Center for Biblical Parenting. You can learn more about his book on spiritual development in children called Motivate Your Child, at biblicalparenting.org.