We’ve had some big changes in my home recently. Our young boys have started at a new school, and my wife has gone back to work after a break. These are all positive changes for our family, things we’d prayed about for a long time. For me, they have meant a couple of enforced changes to my tried and tested routine. They’re good changes, positive changes, but my fallible and fallen flesh struggled to change my rhythms and routines for others, even my family. I was so wrapped up in what I was doing as the pastor, trying to prove to people how committed I was as their minister, that I (initially) missed a significant opportunity to prove to my family that they are my primary ministry.

So, how do we make sure that they are?

When I was taking my first steps into vocational ministry, an older and wiser mentor said that, come what may, my priorities should never change: faith, then family, then my ministry. I must admit, being all fired up about giving more of my life to the call I felt, this advice didn’t sit well at first and is something I’ve wrestled with for a few years now. I was excited to spend more of my day equipping the saints for their own ministry (Ephesians 4:10-13). However, the longer I thought about it, and the more time has passed, I’ve come to see that he was absolutely right. I’ve seen it this last couple of weeks more than ever because, honestly, I’ve had it wrong, and I’ve fallen short.

One of the peculiarities of living in this part of the world is that many take an extended summer break. It’s hot; it’s quiet, and many leave for a couple of months. My wife and boys did so this year, leaving me here to pastor and potter around by myself. Without really trying, I got into such a rhythm and routine. That meant I knew where I’d be on any given day at any given time, barring an emergency. When my family came back, I found myself, to my shame, feeling resentful of the extra responsibilities and commitments I now had, and the additional demands on my time that appeared as soon as the plane landed. This only got worse as school started for them all. After the initial sinful and selfish shock wore off, I remembered what my old mentor had said. I also thought that it couldn’t be just me that feels like this from time to time. So, I resolved to share how I have been working through these feelings and thoughts, using the framework from my mentor: faith, then family, then ministry.

Faith First

Those in vocational ministry must have a sincere, personal, and genuine faith. Such a thing might sound like a given, but sadly, scripture shows us that this is not always the case (Micah 3:11, Judges 17-18, Exodus 32:2-6, Zephaniah 3:4). As the old saying goes, “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” and we must have a genuine faith in, and relationship with the Lord, about which to tell others. Simply, faith first, because this is what will last (1 Corinthians 3:12-15).

Then, Family

It’s unscriptural to think that you can be an effective minister of the Gospel to others if you are not that for those closest to you. In a paragraph detailing the character required of those called to the spiritual leadership of the church, Paul writes this:

“…If someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for the church of God?” (1 Timothy 3:5, NET).

Thus, scripture explicitly tells us that family comes before church ministry.

How, then, do we do it? How do we make sure our families know that they are more important than our ministry?

Between 2015-2018, my life changed in almost every way possible: My wife and I had two children, I lost my job, I miraculously and spectacularly got another job. We moved house twice, I did a master’s degree, and I took over as the pastor of the international church we’d been part of for five years here in Bahrain. We had a busy few years, and I look genuinely terrible in photos from that period. This truth of faith, family, and then ministry was still valid during those hectic years. Let me share with you the four P’s that helped us through it.

1. Plan

You need to be intentional with your time. There’s an adage called “Parkinson’s Law” that says: “Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.”

You need to have a plan, and you’ll need to stick to it. If I had an hour to write a paper for seminary, I wrote it in an hour, and then I closed the computer. If I had 90 minutes while my little boys had a nap, I’d fill it with study. However, when they woke up, the family came first again. Make time for family time. I have rarely (if ever) had someone be mad at me for saying, “Sorry, can’t meet you on that day, I’m taking my son/wife to…”. If anything, people will respect you and your ministry more when they see you hold it in proper perspective. Plan to spend your time properly: faith, family, ministry, and then stick to it.

2. Present

When you’ve planned family time, be present. Not just physically present, but mentally, emotionally, energetically, and spiritually present. Don’t plan time for study and then think about study over coffee with your spouse. Don’t plan to take your kids to the beach and then let your mind drift to what you’re preaching about next week. Be present. Be there, all of you. A proper plan will help you be present because you know that you have time later/tomorrow to think about and work on whatever is trying to get in on your family time. Tell yourself, diligently, “No, I’ll do that tomorrow.” Commit your plan to paper, then commit to being present in all things.

3. People

Make a plan, be present, and involve people. When people want to help, as your brothers and sisters in the faith so often do, accept it. Is there something you are doing at church that someone else can be equipped, empowered, and platformed to do? If you can give more of yourself to your family by delegating tasks to someone else, shouldn’t you do it? This isn’t an excuse to cut short your core duties and responsibilities; I am simply encouraging you to consider including others in your plan if it helps you to be more present.

4. Pray

Finally, pray, pray, and pray some more. None of this will be possible without the Lord and His guidance. Sure, you could wake tomorrow and find a color-coded, hour-by-hour plan of your week miraculously waiting for you on your desk. However, more often than the miracle, God is going to guide you through the many, many prayers, the many times of reading and meditating on His Word, the many times you purposefully plan your time to honor Him, to show love to your family, and to serve His people and His church. More often than the miracle, God is going to guide you through the many prayers you pray.

Family is a precious gift that most would never consciously take for granted.

Sometimes, though, we unintentionally do so when we attempt to be all things to all people and forget who we are first. First, we’re known, loved, redeemed, forgiven, and accepted by the maker of heaven and earth. We’re made in His image to reflect His character and love to all creation, which defines us more than anything else. Secondly, He created us to love one another. For some, this takes the form of a physical family, a tremendous gift of God. For others, it’s a family of believing brothers and sisters. Beyond these two unequivocal commands (Matthew 22:34-40) comes our call, ministry, and mission to take God’s Good News of redemption and salvation through Jesus to those around us. I’ve got it wrong a few times and am ever thankful for a gracious, heavenly Father and a forgiving family.

As my old mentor said, “Faith, then your family, then your ministry.”

I’m concerned about your marriage. I’m not suggesting that anything is wrong with it, but I do know that sometimes marriage issues sneak up on us. They start small and grow from irritations to resentment to divisiveness over time. It would be good to talk about solutions before problems get out of hand.

Furthermore, many people are hesitant to talk about their marriage with others. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s shame or a belief that they’re the only ones with the problems, or they’re merely trying to protect their spouse, but the reality is that even good marriages experience challenges. What makes them good is that the challenges are identified and adjustments are made.

It’s been said that “Marriage isn’t so much finding the right person as it is being the right person.” Although it is important to choose wisely whom you’re going to marry, it’s also true that marriage is a sanctifying process. Even marrying an angel will produce challenges in each of us. When we get married, we learn more about our selfishness and control issues than we ever knew we had.

Furthermore, marriage is a ministry. It’s an opportunity to lay down our lives for our mate. But a healthy marriage isn’t just about keeping the peace and reducing the tension. God wants your marriage to be a mission. Marriage is two people partnering together to serve the Lord in life. And when they have children, those kids participate in the mission to strengthen themselves with God’s grace and bless others.

With those thoughts in mind, let’s turn to some exercises that will strengthen your marriage. Each one is designed to remove a little bit of selfishness and increase Christ-likeness.

But what if my spouse doesn’t want to work on our relationship? Even if your spouse isn’t interested in participating, you can do a lot. The fact is, you are growing and changing, and marriage is one of the tools God uses to change you. These exercises will help you work out your salvation in your marriage and help you grow spiritually, even if no one else in your home contributes. Recognizing that God wants to do a work in you through your marriage can provide you with a mission to move forward.

The key is to start with yourself. Do all you can to be the person Jesus wants you to be. Ideally, your spouse is interested in becoming more Christlike as well, and, then to train and empower children to also grow in Christlikeness. Sharing that message with others outside the family then further blesses the family as a whole and contributes to family identity.

If you and your family can take each exercise, practice it in family life, and then apply it to those outside your home, you will demonstrate what it means to be a missional family.

It’s too short-sighted to think that the goal of family life is to be happy. Rather, the goal is to fulfill the God-given mission that He has given to you. With these 12 exercises, you will become something bigger and better for God’s kingdom. And, if others in your family are too busy or unwilling to participate, then you’ll grow personally in your sanctification before God.

Exercise #1: Practice Thankfulness

Each day identify specific things that you are thankful for that your spouse does. Some of these might be common activities. Others might be incidental. Thankfulness builds a grateful heart and protects a person from developing resentment and a critical spirit. John 12 gives a beautiful story of a contrast between Mary who gave a gift of gratefulness for Jesus’ raising her brother from the dead, and Judas who was selfish, critical and resentful. Be on guard against these dangers and practice thanksgiving to keep your heart in the right place.

Develop thankfulness in yourself, practice it in your home, and together, discuss ways you can thank others outside your home.

Exercise #2: Practice Admiration

Take some time to identify three things your spouse does better than you. What quality in your spouse is demonstrated by these things? Take time to admire your spouse for this quality. This practice will help you reduce your own pride and value the strengths of your mate. It’s especially meaningful to do this with children because it points out their strengths and contributes to their identity. And when they admire something in their parents, it reduces their own tendency toward selfishness. In Song of Solomon 5:14-16, the beloved is admiring her spouse. No wonder their relationship is so special. We all can find others we admire but many people never take the time to share their admiration. You are different and your practice of admiration goes a long way.

Exercise #3: Practice Listening

Ask your spouse a question and then ask a follow-up question to listen deeper. Most people ask a question and then start talking about themselves. If you truly listen to a person, you’ll develop attentiveness in your heart. Listening is a ministry. In James 1:19, we usually emphasize the importance of reducing anger, but the first words in the verse encourage listening. This is often difficult but very valuable to help a person manage themselves internally. Listen to others in your home. Teach them to listen as well, and then look for ways to ask follow-up questions outside your home.

Exercise #4: Practice Prayer

Why do so many couples not take advantage of this opportunity to connect spiritually? Whatever the reasons, it’s best to get over them and reach into this powerful connection tool. Prayer increases vulnerability in one’s heart, an essential quality of a good relationship. You might ask your spouse to pray for something that concerns you or ask how you might pray for your spouse. Praying together is strategic for children as well. It exercises a part of their heart that will accompany them for years to come. 1 Timothy 2:1-4 takes your prayers to the next level and allows you to use prayer as a ministry to others.

Exercise #5: Practice Kindness

It just takes a little more time to consider someone else. It would be helpful to give a gift of kindness each day to your spouse. This exercise builds graciousness in one’s heart and practices servanthood, an important quality of Christians in general, and in marriage in particular. If you’re on the lookout to be kind, your heart will gravitate toward godliness. 1 Corinthians 13:4 reminds us that kindness is an important demonstration of love. Planning random acts of kindness as a family toward people outside your home can increase your family identity and pass on important life skills to your children.

Exercise #6: Practice Joy

Look for ways daily to express joyfulness. If you don’t tend to be emotionally expressive, this is particularly a good exercise. Smile, raise your eyebrows and say something positive about life. Joy causes us to reflect on what’s most meaningful. It doesn’t come from experiences as much as it comes from a depth of God at work. Philippians 4:4 reminds us of the source of joy. This exercise in a family encourages individuals to be God-focused in their lives. As you practice this, you can be the ones who bring sunshine into the lives of others.

Exercise #7: Practice Learning

Relationships can become stagnant and need fresh new insight regularly. As an activity, you might look at a Bible passage together and share with each other an application or insight. The Bible is so practical and reminds us continually of ways we can connect with God, rearrange our thinking and practice life His way. Joshua 1:8 makes the importance of God’s Word clear. Children benefit from regularly seeing their parents readjust life based on the Bible. Sharing scriptural insight with others can touch people significantly.

Exercise #8: Practice Service

One of the things that grow relationships together is to work together on a project or activity. Serving the Lord creates the added benefit of enhancing your vision as partners in service to Christ. Joshua 24:15 expresses the commitment that a family can have to serve God. One of the greatest ways that children can capture the faith for themselves is to see God working through them in service to others. Intentionally approaching church or a sports activity with an eye to serve does something inside of the servant.

Exercise #9: Practice Contentment

People are driven to be happy and often look for activities and things to continually fill that need. Contentment looks deeper and learns to live within limits without feeling anxious. Practicing contentment addresses a core challenge in anyone’s heart: complaining. Look for ways to put a hold on buying or upgrading or the continual need for activity. Hebrews 13:5 is a good reminder of the value of contentment. Children need this life skill because their definition of need is often out of proportion. Look for ways to find enjoyment in a simple lifestyle. Encourage family members to be on the hunt for enjoyment without getting more stuff. Consider how you might encourage others outside your family to do the same.

Exercise #10: Practice Generosity

It’s been said that we are most like God when we give. Look for ways to give to others. Blessing another family or giving to a need at church can draw you closer to your mate because you are focusing on your mission together, to give back, not just to take. Jesus describes the value of giving in Luke 6:38. It’s one of the more powerful exercises for the heart of a person. When you give as a family, children see the benefit, and the exercise contributes to their spiritual development.

Exercise #11: Practice Justice

Look for ways to help those who are suffering in society. Consider poverty, homelessness, abortion, elderly, racism and other social issues. Justice draws two heart qualities together: holiness and compassion. Micah 6:8 is a call for all believers to practice justice in our world. Marriages develop conviction, and children develop passion when they grasp the power of justice in practical ways. This is one of those qualities that’s naturally practiced outside the home.

Exercise #12: Practice Unity

Do you tend to be an agreeable person or a disagreeable person? Agreeable people are warm, friendly, gracious and tactful. Disagreeable people are critical, angry, contentious and argumentative. Take a good look at yourself and make changes to become someone who encourages unity. Identify things you have in common with your spouse and draw attention to them. Regularly look for ways to communicate unity in your home. 1 Corinthians 1:10 is an appeal to unity for the church and is definitely needed in the home as well. Children may become disagreeable and teaching them unity can help overcome this negative tendency. Look for ways to express and develop unity with others outside your home.

***

In our church, we emphasize one Marriage Exercise a month. It’s our goal to build disciples and to encourage family life as a place to practice. If you’d like the colorful exercise pages that we mail to every married person’s home each month, email me at scott@biblicalparenting.org, and I’ll send them to you. You are free to use these ideas and handouts to advance the kingdom.

There is a time for study. It’s one of the benefits of pastoring or teaching the Bible in any capacity. My favorite part has always been the preparation.

I love to spend the time to really know a passage or book.

Even though I may have taught it before, I feel like I could go deeper. The 2,000 years that separates my culture and the first century only adds to the need and the excitement. I can find myself transported to another time, digging like a commentary-archeologist, into the finer points, to better understand the context and the message so I can present it to our church in a way that they can best benefit from it.

One day I was looking into the question of how we got the Gospel of Matthew. It’s a fascinating question that fills many scholarly books. According to the Greek Apostolic Father Papias (60-160 AD), it would seem Matthew may have begun a work written in Aramaic or Hebrew. The implications are written sources much closer to the events, possibly in the 30s AD, not long after the resurrection. In my enthusiasm and apologetic preparation for the next time I meet someone with a late oral tradition Gospel-legend argument, I was broadsided by a much more important question. “Dad, what’s my favorite cake?”

In defense of my daughter, this was not one of those random questions. It was close to her birthday, and there has only been one cake she’s ever asked for. She was a winter baby, and growing up in France, she’s always loved those holiday foods that only make their appearance for a short time. Her favorite cake? Raspberry White Chocolate Ice Cream Cake. That already sounds heavenly, albeit a little strange for winter. Yet, context is everything. Around Christmastime, there is a cake in France called the Bûche de Noël. It’s traditionally made of of cream, chocolate, light sponge cake and brilliantly decorated in the form of a log that one might find in a great hall from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. My daughter, who has always had excellent culinary taste, prefers the ice cream version. And so our family tradition was born.

Back to my “deer-in-the-headlights” moment—in that brief second of historic-theological wandering, I was brought back to the present day by a much more important question. To my shame, I forgot the answer. Was it Cheesecake? No. Was it Molten Lava Cake…no. There has only been one, and when I remembered, I was blessed with an early Christmas present/lesson from the Lord.

2 Timothy 2:15 says, “Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.”

I believe this is foundational for us. It’s vital for the people we teach, it can be a great tool when we share our faith, and to be honest, it’s necessary for our soul. We need to study, and in a day when intellectual laziness can not be tolerated. Our calling is an eternal one. The delicacy of studying God’s word shouldn’t contradict with spending those precious moments with those whom He has entrusted us with. But there is a time when Raspberry White Chocolate Ice Cream Cake is far more important. It’s certainly more delicious.

Practically speaking, this is where I’ve learned the art of the schedule.

Writing out my hours in my calendar has helped me immensely to know when to quit. I’ve also shared this schedule with my kids, asking the older ones their thoughts and coordinating with their schedules, so we can have moments together. Incidentally, the question about my daughter’s favorite cake was asked at a time when I’d largely gone overtime, and in her eyes, I was fair game. Ministry is filled with too many surprises to be too rigid about a schedule, but having a plan helps.

In the end, Raspberry White Chocolate Ice Cream Cake represents for me the people we love and who walk with us in our lives. Far from a distraction, Psalm 127:3 reminds me that, “Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.”

Certainly, diligent study doesn’t exclude finding time to enjoy our kids. The two are not in competition, neither are they mutually exclusive. In fact, one day when I pass the ministry on to a younger pastor God calls, I still want to have an invitation at the table to enjoy Raspberry White Chocolate Ice Cream Cake.

I’m a dad. I’m also a son. And it occurred to me recently that there are certain things that kids need from their dad. In fact, as I pondered the whole idea of fatherhood, I recall several examples in the Bible of “dad gifts” that were passed on to children. I think all dads would benefit from considering these, and if you didn’t get these from your dad, there’s a pleasant surprise for you at the end of this article.

I’m Scott Turansky, the son of John Turansky. My dad did a great job of passing these six gifts to me. I’m so grateful for his commitment to fatherhood and his example to me as I entered parenthood myself. Here are six things from God’s Word that kids need from their dads.

1) The Blessing

In the Old Testament we see examples of dads blessing their sons. After Jacob tricked his father into giving him the blessing that was to go to his brother, Esau, Genesis 27:34 states that Esau cried out, “Bless me—me too, my father!” Both sons wanted the blessing of their father.

Dads have an important gift they can pass on to their kids. It’s the affirmation that I believe in you and your future is something I look forward to. When a dad makes statements of affirmation and a positive anticipation of the future, it helps kids face even the most difficult challenges ahead.

God has given dads this important power that is crucial to a child’s sense of well-being and growth. Look for ways to regularly express a blessing to your child.

2) Correction

Yes, correction is part of the job, not an interruption to life. Correction is one of the ways that God uses, and dads are an important part of that process. Hebrews 12:7 says, “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?”

Sometimes dads have to put the pressure on in order to help their kids develop character. It’s important to note the difference between pressure and harshness. Pressure can make a person stronger. Harshness damages relationship. As you correct your kids, remember that the goal of correction is positive. It’s about training and growth, not justice. Kids may not always appreciate correction but it’s a way that dads can show that they love their kids and want their best.

The next time you see your child acting out or doing the wrong thing, say to yourself, “Oh good! An opportunity for discipleship!” That positive attitude about correction can go a long way to help your kids move forward in life.

3) Delight

When dads delight in their kids, something happens deep inside the heart. Even if the whole world is a challenge, seeing dad’s delight can go a long way to help a child persevere. When Jesus was about to start His public ministry, we see His Father’s affirmation. At Jesus’ baptism, Mark 1:11 says, “And a voice came from heaven: ‘You are my Son, whom I love; with You I am well pleased.’” The Father was delighted with the Son.

What do you enjoy about your child? Sometimes kids have positive qualities that are misused and parents can become focused on the irritations. But looking past the irritations to appreciate a child who is emotionally sensitive can bring new delight into a parent-child relationship.

Kids do need correction, but they also need to see delight in their father’s eyes.

4) Spiritual Nurture

Sometimes parents think that praying before meals or taking their kids to church somehow transfers the faith to their children. But spiritual growth is best passed through intentional training. Ephesians 6:4 commands dads in particular, “Bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

God knew that there’s something important about a dad’s spiritual leadership in a child’s life. When a dad says, “I’ll pray for you about that,” or shares a spiritual truth he’s learning, kids take notice.

In some ways, passing the faith on to kids is like driver education. There’s the bookwork learned in the classroom, but the behind-the-wheel experience is just as important. That’s where all the bookwork is put into practice. Dads teach their kids how to handle emotions under pressure, how to trust God for an upcoming challenge, or how to have integrity in touchy situations. Kids need spiritual training and dads have an important opportunity and responsibility in this area of a child’s life.

5) Compassion

Some qualities are often considered female qualities. Compassion is one of them. We sometimes think of mom saying to a child who has fallen and is crying, “Come over here and I’ll give you a hug.” Dads are usually viewed as the ones that say, “You’re not hurt. Get up and try again.” Certainly, God uses both dads and moms in those ways to help children grow.

However, we must pause and consider 2 Corinthians 1:3, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort.” Those are interesting traits of a father: compassion and comfort.

Fathers are often tough, authoritative, and firm, but there is a time for comfort and compassion. Empathizing with a child’s pain and holding a child who is hurting are significant gifts dads can give to their child. Sometimes a compassionate word can propel a child forward to continue on to fight the challenges of life.

6) Care

When Dads take notice of the little things, they show love. Care in the details of your child’s life is the application of love. After all, that’s what our heavenly Father models for us. Notice the care in the details mentioned in Matthew 10:29-30, “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”

Do you know what your child’s favorites are: favorite color, subject, clothes, food, or sport? That’s just the beginning of the details you might consider. You might not count your child’s hairs but you could count the teeth they’ve lost or the number of friends they have on Facebook. Remember that attention to detail shows that you care.

Kids need specific things from their dads. The power of a father in a child’s life can’t be underestimated. Amazing things happen inside a child’s heart when a dad shares these “father gifts” with his kids.

But what if you didn’t have a dad, or the one you had didn’t give you what you needed? The good news is that God has an app for that. He adopts us into His family when we trust Jesus as our Lord and Savior. Just go back through the six things above and notice how God does each of those things for us.

No parent is perfect. Dads always make mistakes. All children need a father presence in their hearts. God knows all that because He designed us. So one of the greatest gifts we dads can give to our kids is to introduce them to their heavenly Father and encourage that relationship that meets all the inner fatherly needs we all have.

Can you think of other biblical examples of gifts that fathers can give to their kids?

Scott Turansky is the pastor of Calvary Chapel Living Hope and the co-founder of the National Center for Biblical Parenting. He and his wife, Carrie, have five children and four grandchildren and live in New Jersey. You can learn more about him and resources for your family at biblicalparenting.org.

Passing the faith on to our kids is the most important job we have as parents. But how do you do that when kids seem to be at different levels of development and vary in spiritual sensitivity? Faith development isn’t like baking cookies where adding the right ingredients produce a predictable outcome. Rather, spirituality grows when the Holy Spirit connects with the human heart and kids experience God’s grace. Although that doesn’t happen with a formula, there are certain things we can do to encourage spiritual growth in our kids.

Parents help their children grow spiritually by creating the structures where they can meet Jesus. Some of those are easy, such as taking kids to church, praying before meals, and memorizing scripture. And some are more complex, such as spontaneous prayer, wrestling together with God’s will, and applying biblical truth to life.

Here are five principles from Deuteronomy 6 to guide your thinking as you seek to help your child build their own personal relationship with God.

1) Start with yourself.

If you are growing spiritually, your kids will see it. Deuteronomy 6:6 starts the process by focusing first on the parents’ own spiritual growth. “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.” Jesus reminded us of the same truth in Luke 6:40 when he said, “A disciple is not above his teacher.” As you work on discipling your child, make sure your own heart is growing in God’s grace.

You might make it a habit to keep a prayer journal about specific things you’re praying for each of your children. Or, look for scriptures that apply to your family and to the needs of your children. As you see God at work in your life, you’ll have something to share with your kids.

2) Build relationship.

Family life can become strained at times when all the busyness of life generates pressure. Remember that it’s through relationship that values and convictions are passed. That’s why, when referring to the commands of God, Deuteronomy 6:7 says, “Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Use relational moments to teach, explain, and illustrate God’s Word.

Mornings and bedtimes are mentioned in the passage, and both provide strategic opportunities for worldview discussions and how the Scriptures apply to life. Walking along the road, or in more modern times, driving in the van, is also a time when conversations can take a spiritual bent. In fact, you might want to plan a story or a specific scripture to share in those moments.

Sometimes the relational times can be scheduled such as a family time focused on a spiritual truth. Other times the relational opportunities will come spontaneously. Always be ready to direct your children’s attention to the work of God.

3) Share scripture.

In verse 7 of Deuteronomy 6 we have a specific goal stated for parents. When referring to the commands of God, it says, “Impress them on your children.” It’s not enough to share your own ideas about how to be successful in life. Be sure to share God’s truth with your kids.

When sharing scripture, be careful about overemphasizing the wrath, justice, and holiness of God. Although those are valuable truths, remember that Jesus died to satisfy God’s holiness and emphasized the fatherly qualities of God. Children need to experience God as a compassionate, caring father who loves them and wants to empower them to do what’s right. Those who tie specific offenses to verses in the Bible may be giving their kids a picture of God as judge. Many verses talk about God’s grace and how He is working in us to move us in the right direction.

4) Be creative.

Deuteronomy 6:8-9 says, “Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” The goal is to help the child bring God’s commands into daily life, viewing them as relevant and practical.

Keep in mind that the language of children is activity. For every Bible story or theological truth, you might look for some kind of activity to communicate it. For ideas, consider the teaching techniques of Jesus. He used creativity and life experience to communicate kingdom principles to His disciples. When He wanted to teach what it means to be a good neighbor, He told the story of the Good Samaritan. In order to teach His disciples about being a servant and the importance of being willing to do dirty jobs, He washed their feet. When He wanted to correct them for criticizing each other, He gave them an illustration that may have come from His own childhood growing up in a carpenter shop. He encouraged them to get the plank out of their own eye before removing the sawdust from their brother’s eye.

Your kids will view the Bible as relevant, practical, and exciting when you use activity to communicate biblical truths. You might act out Bible stories with young children or use science experiments with elementary age kids. Hebrews 12 talks about running a race toward Jesus without being entangled by sin. You might run two races, one without baggy clothes and the other loaded down with Dad’s coat and shoes. Using activity with kids helps them get excited about God’s Word.

5) Discuss the lesson learned.

Deuteronomy 6:20-21 says, “In the future, when your son asks you, ‘What is the meaning of the stipulations, decrees and laws the Lord our God has commanded you?’ tell him.” Be sure to ask the question, “What’s the lesson learned?” Kids, as well as adults, need to know how to apply the Scriptures to their own lives.

When you’re growing spiritually, building relationships, sharing scripture, being creative, and discussing how God’s Word applies to your lives, then you position yourself well to pass on the faith to your kids.

One more piece of advice: Stop the activity when the energy level is high. When your son says, “Let’s do it again,” go over the lesson learned and then tell your son, “Yes, we’ll do it again when we have devotions again in a few days.” Now your kids will be begging for more!

If you’re looking for resources to tie activity to Bible stories, you might check out the Family Time Activities books from the National Center for Biblical Parenting.

Dr. Scott Turansky is a Calvary Chapel pastor in New Jersey and is the co-founder of the National Center for Biblical Parenting. He and his wife Carrie have five children and four grandchildren. Learn more at www.biblicalparenting.org.

Amanda is a single mom with three great kids and wanted her family to be close. In fact, Amanda looked for ways to experience that closeness regularly. They ate meals together, laughed and had fun, and she took a strong stand against any bickering. But Amanda wanted more. Amanda is a Christian and wished that she could make her faith more of a family experience.

What Amanda did in her family was strategic, and in fact, all of us can learn from her, whether we live in a single parent home or in a traditional family that has both a dad and a mom.

Amanda was particularly touched one Sunday by the biblical story of Joshua coming into the Promised Land and making a pile of stones. Joshua 4:6-7 shares the purpose of the monument. “In the future, when your children ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ Tell them….”

There was a spiritual sharing going on within the family in biblical times and Amanda wanted more of that in her own family. Every once in a while she experienced some kind of spiritual conversation and found that it was always special. It seemed deeper and more meaningful than anything else they did together. Could she encourage that kind of dialogue more often? The answer is yes and Amanda did four things that any parent can do to increase closeness in family life.

#1 – Make prayer intentional and obvious

First, Amanda began praying for each of her kids regularly. But she didn’t just pray for them. She told them she was praying for them and asked them for things to pray about. She would ask them how they were doing in those areas and pointed out when the prayers were answered.

One day, Amanda’s seven-year-old son burst into the house after school with wide eyes and said, “It worked!”

Mom was a bit surprised and didn’t know what he was talking about.

“Your prayers worked, Mom. I got 100 on my math test.”

They rejoiced together. In fact, Mom said, “Wow, that’s great. Why don’t we take a moment and pray right now and thank God.” The next few moments were very special and Amanda noticed that this was a very meaningful time of connecting her son personally with the Lord.

#2 – Reveal the practical nature of God’s Word

A second thing that Amanda did was share a scripture with her kids regularly. Sometimes she would write it on the whiteboard on the wall behind the kitchen table where everyone could see it.

In fact, she invited her kids to suggest scriptures that might be helpful for their family. Her nine-year-old daughter suggested Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

They discussed why that verse was helpful over dinner that night. It was interesting to hear the kids share their perspective on “straight paths” that evening.

#3 – Point out God’s activity in our lives now

Amanda decided to regularly ask the question of her kids, “What did you see God do today?” Sometimes the kids didn’t have much to say, but occasionally they had a good answer. Mom wanted her children to recognize that God is working in our lives all the time, not just before meals and bedtime.

Her eleven-year-old pointed something out from the news one evening. “God got that guy released from prison.” Amanda listened as her son told the story of how a persecuted man in North Korea was released.

Sharing about God’s work seemed to make everyone more aware of God’s presence. In fact, she realized that she was now having more conversations with her children about spiritual things than ever.

#4 – Serve the Lord together

As Amanda evaluated their schedule and activities, she realized that they were very busy people, each one of the children as well as herself. It seemed that they were always on the go, driving from here to there and then getting back to this place just in time to pick up someone else from their activity.

The busyness of their family was good, but Amanda realized that they weren’t doing anything that was serving others as a family. In fact, most of the activities that they were engaged in seemed to be about self. They each had activities to go to, and the continual self-focus needed some adjustment.

She determined that they would look for ways to serve on Sunday morning at their church. Her oldest son joined the greeting team and became an usher assistant to hand out bulletins. They all stayed for an extra twenty minutes after church to help clean up.

In fact, it was this service they did together that provided something Amanda wasn’t expecting. They were establishing an identity as a family. People took notice and mentioned that they were a family that served the Lord. She and her children enjoyed the reputation they were making.

Amanda decided that they would have a family verse and they put it on their wall, “But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD” (Joshua 24:15).

It wasn’t long before Amanda saw it happening. The closeness she longed for in her family was becoming real and powerful. She had to continue to be the force behind the spiritual interaction but occasionally her kids pitched in. They would pray for each other, share scripture that applied to their personal lives, and point out God’s activity in their lives.

Amanda was building a spiritual foundation for their family. Instead of having a foundation based on activity or things they liked or disliked, now they had a more significant and meaningful vision for their lives. God was doing something important. Their family identity as a family that served God was developing.

Any mom or dad can have a spiritual impact on family life. All family members are at different points in their spiritual receptivity. Even if a child is rebellious or has a hard heart, spiritual activities can have a significant effect. The key is to have someone in the family who believes in God strongly enough to try to take on the challenge. Spiritual leadership starts in the heart of one person. When it happens there, other people see it and significant change takes place.

Dr. Scott Turansky is a Calvary Chapel pastor and heads up the National Center for Biblical Parenting. You can learn more about his book on spiritual development in children called Motivate Your Child, at biblicalparenting.org.

Some children start pulling away from spiritual pursuits as they get older. They might not want to pray at dinner, seem to endure church, and are more interested in electronics and friends than spiritual things. Those tendencies are early indications of a trend in Christian families of kids who leave the church after they graduate from high school. Here’s what you can do now to reverse that trend and help your kids get spiritually engaged. Take the story of twelve-year-old Mark for example. He seemed to be drifting from the faith and his parents decided to do something about it. Here’s what they did. In fact, these are three things you can do with your family this year to engage your kids spiritually.

Energize Your Family Devotions

Dad and Mom determined to add an exciting devotional experience for Mark and his two younger sisters. They called it Family Time. Once a week, Dad and Mom would prepare an activity that illustrated a biblical truth. One week they told their kids to get their running shoes on for devotions. That puzzled them all and they came to the Family Time with a sense of anticipation. Dad read them the parable of the man who found the treasure in the field and sold all he had to buy that field so that he could own the treasure. Then Dad told them that he had created a number of clues in the back yard with a treasure at the end. He handed the first clue to Mark that said, “Look under the trash can.” Mark ran with his sisters out to the backyard and started the hunt. After about eight clues he ended up finding a plastic container filled with their favorite cookies that Mom had made. Then they talked about why the truths of God are worth so much.

The next week they talked about withstanding the fiery darts of the devil with the shield of faith as described in Ephesians 6:16. They took rolled up socks and threw them at each other and used a pillow as a shield to ward them off. Then they talked about temptations that might harm each of them.
Another time Mom read 1 Thessalonians 5:11, “Build one another up.” The activity that day was to build a human pyramid and then talk about ways that they tear down and build each other up in their family. The kids became excited for devotions each week as these parents used the language of children to teach their kids about biblical truths.

Seeing God Work

Dad and Mom continued their mission by raising the bar a bit. Every couple of days they asked the question, “How did you see God work today?” At first, the kids didn’t know what to say, but Dad and Mom gave them ideas including ones they could relate to. Mom told about the beautiful sunset she enjoyed and Dad told about an answer to prayer about a difficult meeting at work. They prayed more specifically as a family, asking God to show them each how they could fit into his plan.

Dad and Mom were surprised when Mark came home from school and said,

“When are you going to ask us the question?”

“What question?”

“The one about seeing God work?”

Mark had a story to tell and as he shared it at dinner, his parents smiled because they were seeing their son become spiritually engaged.

Sometimes children view God as irrelevant to their daily lives. Asking this kind of question encourages Level-Three thinking. Level-One thinking is where children spent most of the time. It has to do with the activity they’re involved in right now, playing on the iPad, eating lunch, or walking around the house. Level-Two thinking asks responsibility questions such as, “What time is it?” “What else should I be working on now?” or, “Should I be sharing this iPad with my brother?”
Level-Three thinking asks the question, “What is God doing in the world right now?” It’s fun to watch children share exciting things that they’re seeing in the world right now about God’s activity. When parents become spiritually transparent, kids see it.

Serve the Lord as a Family

Some kids develop a rather selfish view of life, always thinking about themselves and rarely thinking of others. When this takes place, kids often lose sight of the value of church as a place to serve and miss out on opportunities to help others. Mark’s parents decided to make changes in this area of family life as well.

Dad and Mom also told the pastor at church that they, as a family, would help with greeting every other week. Mark began to see church as a place to give and serve, not just as a place to meet friends or learn.
Mark is growing spiritually because his parents looked for practical ways to engage him with what God wants to do in him personally. God wants to work in the lives of children, and parents can be the facilitators of that growth. The plan you use to strengthen your family must be intentional and engaging for kids. Parents pass the faith on to their kids. If parents have an unnoticeable faith, that in turn is the faith that they’re passing on to their children.

What might God have you to do in 2015 to excite your children about the Lord and engage them spiritually?

The ideas from this article come from the teaching presented in the book Motivate Your Child. Learn more about resources from the National Center for Biblical Parenting at: biblicalparenting.org.

Dr. Scott Turansky is a co-founder of the National Center for Biblical Parenting. He and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN have written 13 books on parenting, trained over 120 presenters to teach live parenting seminars, and they themselves teach around the country most every week.

Being the church implies discipleship. It’s important to disciple believers as individuals but also in their roles and relationships in family life. With the pressures on the family today, the church has solutions that can equip family members to embrace the gospel in their homes and rely on God’s grace in practical ways.

Churches that develop a discipleship mentality that equips parents, do it in four areas. This isn’t about a program or a system. It’s about vision and relationships. Each of these components provide a church with a window into ways to strengthen families through the mission of the church.

Component #1: Provide Engaging Children and Youth Programs and Invite Parental Involvement.

The church who works independently of the home runs the risk of giving both parents and children the impression that the home isn’t relevant for spiritual training and that the professionals at the church do the work of discipleship. More and more churches are realizing the importance of the church and home working together to reach children today.
Children’s directors and youth leaders look for ways to extend their work into the home. Take home papers from Sunday School are common, but also inviting parents to participate with their kids or giving parent/child assignments that complement what’s happening at church can empower parents.

Component #2: Offer Parent Training Programs

Parents need help raising their children today. The world offers plenty of behavior modification strategies, but, as Christians, we know that people are different than animals. They have a heart. So training parents with biblical tools and strategies that reach the hearts of their children is an essential part of the discipleship mandate for any church. God gives guidance in his word about how people change and when those kinds of ideas are applied to the family, parents find hope and encouragement as they embrace God’s grace in their homes.

Component #3: Provide Opportunities for Intergenerational Experiences of Worship, Teaching, Fellowship, and Service

The church offers many programs and activities and some of those are well suited for cross-generational interaction. Sometimes it means Father/Daughter nights or family camping trips, but other times families can join together in mission trips or holiday worship services. When children watch older believers practice their faith, something significant happens in their lives. Furthermore, families can serve and grow together, further increasing their spiritual closeness. Families learn to pray together, watch God work, and trust in his grace. The church becomes the vehicle to provide opportunities for families to be touched spiritually.

Component #4: Helping Parents to Be Disciplemakers at Home

Sometimes parents delegate the spiritual training of their children to the church or the Christian School. Although they are great partners, they are not a substitute for what God designed for the family. But parents often don’t know how to pass the faith on to their kids. Following the model of Jesus using creativity and life experience is the most effective way to help kids grasp biblical truths. Parents need inspiration and coaching to enable that process.
While all of these components can add to a family ministry in a church, the leadership needs to determine which areas to focus on at any given time. The question isn’t whether family ministry is optional. It’s not. It’s part of the discipleship mandate given to the church. The question has to do with what parts of family ministry are best to emphasis at any given time in a church’s life.
For more information on developing the family ministry in these four areas in your church, visit the website for the National Center for Biblical Parenting.